Screaming Penguin - Source Does Matter

This one comes to us again from the irreverent Onion. Check the tips for the big Superbowl party.

Superbowl Party Tips

• Set aside a special area of the living-room floor to throw chicken bones.
  
• A complete and reverent silence should be maintained whenever Armen Keteyian
  speaks.
  
• Before guests arrive, be sure to hide any copies of Harper's Weekly, The
  Atlantic Monthly, and The New Yorker you may have lying around.
  
• Pre-soak all Doritos in Pabst Blue Ribbon.
  
• During commercial breaks, make non-stop sarcastic comments about the stupidity of
  Super Bowl ads. Rest assured, you'll be the first person in history to do so.
  
• If you do not know how to watch football on TV, ask an experienced friend to help
  you through the hard parts.
  
• The Super Bowl is the premier event of the entire sports year. Be sure to use the
  good chip bowl and your finest inflatable furniture.
  
• Provide "dip," into which chips can be dipped.
  
• If rooting for the Giants, openly question Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis' role in
  the stabbing deaths of two men outside an Atlanta nightclub following last year's Super
  Bowl.
  
• Do not wear a jersey featuring the name and number of an actual NFL player.
  Confused guests will wonder why a famous athlete is at the party, especially if that
  athlete is supposed to be playing in the Super Bowl.
  
• Urinate in each corner of room to mark your territory prior to the arrival of
  other males.
  
• At the end of the second quarter, switch over to the Lifetime Network for the
  Judith Light Halftime Spectacular.
  
• Select the cars you're going to overturn beforehand, because you're going to be
  really drunk afterwards.
  
• Leave nosehairs untrimmed for a minimum of three weeks before game.
  

  theOnion